Don't laugh at me, don't call me names....

There is a song called "Don't Laugh At Me." I have always loved this song, because I have always identified with most of the lyrics. For those of you who have never heard it the chorus goes: "Don't laugh at me, don't call me names. Don't get your pleasure from my pain. In Gods eyes, we're all the same. Someday we'll all have perfect wings..don't laugh at me." Whenever I hear this song, it always takes me back to when I was younger and how often I was made fun of because I was the fat kid. I often wonder what is it about humans that makes us feel the need to make fun of, or talk about others? Why do we feel the need to put others down? It's not even just the fat people that get made fun of....it's anyone who is "different" than we are (whether we personally know them or not) or anyone that we for whatever reason do not like. I was watching this special on tv one day called "What would you do?", the show presented different scenarios and hired actors to play the parts of both sides. We'll call them the "victims" and the "abusers" for lack of a better way to put it. So they take this actors with their predetermined scenarios and send them out in public to act them out, just to see how the general public responds. Most of the scenarios revolve around putting someone down, being racist things of that nature. (although I have seen scenarios that have nothing to do with putting some one down, these just seem to be the most popular) the most recent show I watched involved a scenario where a man with down syndrome works at a local grocery store as a bag boy. So he is actor number one, the various actor number twos are different people who they send through the checkout line to buy their stuff and berate the bag boy for how "slow and retarded" he is as well as other various put downs. The thing is, while most people seemed appalled by the behavior of the "abuser" there were less than a hand full of people who actually stood up for the "victim". When did we turn into a society that doesn't want to get involved? Why are we all so afraid of sticking up for someone? It seemed that the majority of the few people who stood up for the poor man were people who in some way had a personal connection to someone like him. Why is there not more outrage in people who do not have a personal connection to the type of person that is being victimized? I have absolutely no personal connection to anyone who has down syndrome and I was completely pissed off at what I was watching and spent most of the program, even after they moved on to other scenarios not involving the man with down syndrome, yelling at the tv with disgust for the people who could treat someone the way the actors in the different scenarios are being treated. I understand that the key word here is that they are ACTING, but the thing is there are actually people in the world who are normally just like the people acting the part of the "abuser" and there are people who are just like the actors who are playing the "victims" who actually do have to put up with the "abuse" in their normal every day lives. Maybe it is because I have spent most of my life being made fun of, having things thrown at me, and looked at with disgust, that I get so outraged and have such trouble understanding the motivation to make someone else feel like crap, to feel the need to get "pleasure from their pain" like the song says. I also find it sad that adults do not out grow the "mean kid" or bully phase. There are grown adults making fun of grown adults all the time, shouldn't we "know better" at that point? Shouldn't we, as adults, have reached a point where we get it....we understand that we are causing someone pain when we make fun of them, and that there is no reason to behave this way? I just don't understand feeling no remorse for making someone feel like crap just because they are different than you. Another good question is why is it always considered acceptable to make fun of fat people and to make them all feel like they are less than human because they are not thin? Do people think that berating someone for being fat is going to suddenly make that person strive to be super model thin? Because guess what, it doesn't. It just makes that person feel worse about themselves, and in some cases care even less about trying to change...because what is the point, they are less than human anyways, won't the world see them the same way regardless of the number on the scale or the size of their clothes? Sadly I am still the "fat kid" and even though I am a grown woman I still get made fun of, and still get looked at with disgust. You would think that after dealing with it for so many years I would be used to it and I would not bother me anymore. That is not the case, it still makes me cry, it still makes me feel like crap. Yes I know that I am fat and ugly I do not need complete strangers to point this out to me. I also do not need family members to look at me with disgust, that hurts even worse than the complete stranger who just did the same thing. Really all you are doing is taking away whatever small shred self esteem I may have had left. You, strangers and family alike have made it so that I am afraid to eat in front of people because of what they may think of my food choices. I am afraid to even glance at a fast food building as I am driving by because I am afraid that you will think that the reason I am looking at it is because all I can think about is food. I am afraid to try new things and go new places because of what people might think or say about me. I am afraid to go for a job that I might want because I feel like I am not good enough for it or that I would just screw it up anyways, I mean look at the fabulous job I have done with losing the weight that so disgusts you. I am afraid to speak up and join discussions because I am afraid of what those people are thinking about me while I am talking. Family, have you ever wondered why I am so quiet keep to myself at family functions while every one else is relaxing and chatting with each other? Re read that last sentence before my question for your answer. I am afraid that when I am out in public with my husband that people look at him with pity because his wife is so disgusting. I am even afraid sometimes that my husband will regret marrying a fat girl. I'm even afraid to be seen carrying food even if it is not for me because of what people will think about me.
Here is something that people don't take into consideration....it's not always that easy to lose weight. Also, not all fat people spend all of their time eating or always eat giant sized portions. In fact, I tend to eat less than most of the skinny people I know. Believe me or not, but it's true. I guess my point is to think before you speak, your words could hurt more than you know. Don't immediately discount a person just because of how they look. What if under all the layers of fat you see when you look at me, I am a truly awesome person who could end up being your most loyal best friend? Why am I not even given the chance to show you just what kind of person I am before you make assumptions about me, or anyone else for that matter?

Fun, yet sad....

Over the weekend my husband and I took one of our nephews to a place called The Living Planet Aquarium. None of us had ever been there before, so it was a new experience for all three of us. They had all sorts of tanks with all sorts of fish and marine life in them, a lot of which most of us would never have the chance to see up close if it weren't for said tanks. They had tanks full of fish and other aquatic life native to our state, as well as the ocean (which we live nowhere near). They also had a small penguin exhibit with a handful of penguins that were very happy to see the humans staring at them through the glass. They kept jumping in the water and coming right up to the glass to stare at everyone, it was pretty cute. There was a small enclosure that had 4 or 5 sting rays in it that the public was allowed to touch "with two fingers only" they were just swimming around in there, one kept coming up and swimming up on the side so that his "wing" was sticking out of the water so that people could touch it. I was the only one out of the three of us that was brave enough to touch one. (I had to work up the courage after a little while, but that is beyond the point!) Just in case you are wondering, they feel slimy! So here is the sad part. The majority of the animals were in tanks that were way too small for them. Two examples that I can think of off the top of my head are: there was an octopus (who by the way was so NOT happy with my husband when he came close to the tank holding his camera! The octopus immediately took a defensive stance and started changing colors. He definitely was putting my husband in his place!) that was in a narrow tall tank that mostly only allowed him to climb up and down the glass, next to that there was a HUGE lobster, the biggest I have ever seen and he was almost as big as the tank he was in....so I questioned, how is he supposed to move around in that thing? So I am torn, it is fun for me to be able to see wildlife that I would normally never be able to see, and get (somewhat) up close with them. But at the same time the small places they confine them to border on abuse, and when we go there and pay to get in, we are basically supporting the abuse. So here I am torn in two directions.....loving being able to "visit" the wildlife, but hating that they are confined into small areas and stared at (and most likely traumatized by the banging on the glass by small children) all day every day. The animal lover in me both loves and despises these types of places. I love to go to them, yet always feel guilty afterwards for supporting the trapping and confining of animals for human amusement. It's a vicious cycle and I am not sure how to end it.