The day before Thanksgiving I made the extremely difficult decision to put my oldest cat Casper to sleep. I had gotten her when I was 16 and she was a kitten. She was my child in pretty much every sense of the word. It was so hard to let her go. Part of me felt like it was what was best for her, but part of me felt (and still does feel) like I made a terrible mistake. I just cannot shake the feeling that it was not quite yet her time. It has been a little over a month since we took her in and the vet put her to sleep, and yet it still feels like it was just a few days ago. I still find myself crying when I think of her, or look at pictures of her. They say time heals all wounds, but the pain is still too fresh for me to think that I will ever find myself "moving on" so to speak. I love my other two cats, but as awful as it sounds I loved Casper differently and I just cannot love the other two the same. They will always be my babies, but no one can ever take Casper's place. I know that one day I will see her again, but I can't see her NOW, I can't hold her NOW, I can't kiss her NOW, I can't pet her or enjoy the sound of her purr as she curls up in my lap...I will never again come home to her greeting me at the front door, or wake up to her curled up next to me on the bed. Sometimes it is just too hard to bear knowing that she will not be there when I wake up or when I get home from work. I love her and miss her so much! I feel like some people think I am taking too long to get over it, but it is still just too hard to think about her being gone. I hope that she knows how much I love and miss her. She will forever be my Baby Kitties......
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